for Simon and Bitty

[sidestepdestiny]

Saoirse likes to break out of the children's home and get into mischief, and so I've come up with a plan that will hopefully detract her from getting into so much trouble. If she has visitors to take her out to play, then she won't need to run away so often. It seems logical to me.

I've heard of some kind of ski lodge opening up for the season across town. Six is likely too young to ski, but they might have sleds or other things for children, and I'd like to investigate the place myself in case I find a clue to...anything. I know I'm grasping at straws, but that's all there is.

I pick Saoirse up from the home and we take a taxi to the train station where there's a line for the tram. It's not set to leave just yet, so I sit down on the bench and watch her as she runs over to another little girl who's waiting with her mother.

Comments

[worst_greatest_one]

I'm nervous about going to ski. I've never been, and after melting the ice at the rink, I'm worried I might do something equally terrible to the mountain, but Bitty wants to go, and there's no way I'm turning down more time with him. I could prevent an avalanche from burying everyone if I happen to start one.

Probably.

I arrive at the train station where we're to meet and look for him in the crowd. He's shorter than me by a head, and I don't see him yet, but my stomach dips when my eyes land on Baz and what must be the littlun he's taken such a shine to.

Now he's taking her to Kagura? I'm still reeling from the idea that children even like Baz, and even after he explained that he has four younger siblings, I'm still a little astonished to see the care he takes in making her happy. It's not orphans that he disapproves of, then - it really is just me.

Frowning a little, I turn and look in the other direction, searching out Bitty's blond hair.

[puckandpie]

When I was little, my parents used to talk about taking a ski vacation to Vermont or Minnesota or Colorado, but for whatever reason (usually dad's games or my skating competitions, I'm pretty sure) none of those plans ever panned out. As a result, I've never been skiing once in my life.

But today is the day that all changes!

Simon's agreed to go up with me and we're meeting at the train station where a tram is supposed to carry us up the mountain. It doesn't take me too long to spot him -- it helps that he's so much taller than me -- and I push up onto my tiptoes, waving to get his attention before I slip through the crowd toward him.

"Goodness, you haven't been waiting long, have you?" I ask, unable to help my grin. He really is so, so nice to look at. "I wasn't quite sure what they'd have as far as food up there so I baked us some mini quiches for the ride up and made a little picnic for later just in case," I tell him, holding up the mini cooler I've stuffed full of food and then handing over the thermos I have in my other hand. "And I didn't account for such a long line at the coffee shop! Gosh, people here really like their morning cup of joe."

[worst_greatest_one]

"Not long," I say, grinning as Bitty arrives beside me. I pull him into a one armed hug so I don't upset his cooler. "You have quiches in there?" I ask, amazed, and as if on queue my stomach growls. I'm always hungry, but somehow, even my appetite can't seem to outpace Bitty's energy or his thoughtfulness.

My smile somehow finds room to grow even bigger. "Thanks, Bitty. That's amazing." I want to lean down and kiss him, but the thought that Baz is nearby tugs at me, and I squeeze him tighter instead before letting go.

"I think we've got a few minutes before the tram," I say, worrying at my bottom lip before I nod towards the bench Baz is sitting on. "I think Baz is waiting for it, too."

[puckandpie]

I really should be used to Simon's warmth by now, but it's still a little surprising every time. And good. It'd be so easy to just lean into him for a long while and soak it up. He smiles down at me and looks almost for a second like he wants to kiss me and I can feel my cheeks flushing pink at the thought, but he pulls away a second later, glancing to his left.

"Oh," I reply, following his gaze to where Baz is slumped on a nearby bench. He looks... well, more sober than the last time I'd seen him, but the frown and furrowed brow is definitely familiar.

I'm not sure if he remembers much of the other night at all, but I know I haven't forgotten how very lonely he seemed. And upset about Simon and me. Frowning slightly, I look back to Simon. "We should go say hi," say, nudging Simon lightly in the side. "Is he going up by himself?"

[worst_greatest_one]

That's just like Bitty, wanting to be polite after everything. The way he explained it, Baz hadn't been awful to him, just drunk, but I still feel as inclined to head in the other direction as I do to approach Baz.

"Okay," I say at length, then nod to the little girl. The selkie, apparently. "He's friends with her, Saoirse. I think he's taking her up."

Releasing Bitty, I steel myself and walk with him towards Baz. "Hi," I say, stopping awkwardly before him. "Are you taking her to Kagura?"

[sidestepdestiny]

I'm distracted, not paying attention to much of anything. I'm watching Saoirse, but my mind is a million miles away. That's probably why I don't smell him first, and I look up at Snow with wide, surprised eyes. My mouth closes into a frown when I see Eric with him, and if I'd eaten recently my face would probably be hot with embarrassment and shame.

I straighten my posture on the bench and belatedly realized Snow's asked me something. "Who?-- oh, yes. She gets lonely at the care home," I mumble, glancing between them. I wonder if Eric told Snow what a prat I'd been. I can't remember everything, but I know I made a damn fool of myself for sure.

"What are you--" I grit my teeth and tell myself to be polite, but the sight of them together is making me want to set something on fire. "Are you going as well?" I ask.

[puckandpie]

I'm relieved to see that Baz isn't alone and I give the little girl a wave and a smile as we approach. The smile wavers slightly when Baz looks up, his eyes widening as he looks from Simon to me and I feel a sudden heavy weight in my belly.

He looks different sober, a little bit more like that person Simon's described so often. I wonder if maybe he actually is a vampire.

When he speaks, I don't know whether to flinch or glare so instead I just stand up a little straighter and carefully slip my hand into Simon's. "I've always wanted to try skiing," I tell him before glancing at Simon with a smile. "And Simon said he'd go. Have you ever been before?"

[worst_greatest_one]

"No," I start to answer, but then I realise I don't know if it's true. Just because I can't imagine Baz with skis attached to his long legs doesn't mean he's never been - it's something the rich do, I think. Vacation in Switzerland. He's probably quite good at it.

I squeeze Bitty's hand and try again. "That's really good of you," I say, "Taking Saoirse out. I'd have killed to escape the care homes when I was her age."

[sidestepdestiny]

I remember Eric as being nice, but my thoughts don't run as charitable when he takes Snow's hand like he's claiming him. Marking his territory. I don't need a reminder, I know where we stand.

I look back to Saoirse because I can't stand the sight of either of them right now.

"Yes," I snap when Snow tries to answer for me, like I can't even talk to his precious boyfriend myself. I haven't actually been. Skiing, that is. But it's not like it's his business. I don't plan on it either way.

"What, the Mage never brought you on a skiing trip?" I ask coolly, still staring over at Saoirse. I'd rather Snow keep thinking of me as an evil git than act surprised that I don't spend my afternoons drinking the blood of virgins.

[puckandpie]

It's obvious Baz isn't too happy to see us. Or maybe just isn't happy to see me, I can't be sure. He's still slumped down in the bench, looking so much like the boy who crumpled to the floor outside his apartment door, sad and lonely.

His snipe at Simon is meant to be cutting, I can tell, and I squeeze Simon's hand a little bit tighter in solidarity.

"Maybe you can show us a few things then," I tell him with a smile, hoping that might be enough to either cheer him up or at least pulls his attention from swiping at Simon. "I don't know the first thing myself. I'll be lucky if I can even get my skiis on."

[worst_greatest_one]

I actually meant it - what Baz is doing for Saoirse is truly great. For kids in care even a day of freedom outside its walls can be cherished for months, and I flinch for the mention of the Mage. Baz knows by now that he dumped me back into care each time term ended, that he never so much as visited, let alone take me on trips. He's being a prick, and it's the sort of thing that would usually have me returning fire, but Bitty's here. Bitty's here and he's actually interested in getting me to try new things, and I don't want to fight in front of him.

"Maybe we should wait over there," I say, nodding closer to the platform. "Unless Baz has any advice to share."

[sidestepdestiny]

The problem is, when Snow says things like that - asking me for advice - returning with a snarky comeback is like second nature after seven years of it. Three sarcastic answers immediately pop into my head, but I bite back on them. For one thing, I'm honestly not in the mood. For another, it's not as fun when I can tell Snow isn't going to rise to the occasion.

Sometimes I think about the way he looked at the bar, and I don't want to fight at all.

"Watch out for trees." I try to keep my voice light, like the joke I mean it to be and not an insult.

"Thank you for the invitation, Eric, but I promised Saoirse a cocoa, and I think she's too young for skiing," I add politely, still with my eyes on the child.

[puckandpie]

I don't know Baz well enough to be able to tell if his comment is meant as a joke, an insult, or a threat. But I don't want to make the conversation any more more awkward than it already is so I decide to assume it's a joke.

"That's not bad advice at all," I tell him with a somewhat forced laugh. "I'll be sure to avoid them as much as possible. And it really is sweet of you to take her up there. I hope you both have a really nice time and enjoy your cocoa. Oh!" I add, slipping my hand out of Simon's. "I brought some mini quiches and sandwich makings and things. There's more than enough in here for everyone if you and Saoirse want anything for the trip up."

[worst_greatest_one]

I can't bring myself to echo Bitty's laugh, still coiled and waiting for whatever awful new thing Baz has to say to me, but I smile for the offer of food.

"I promise not to eat them all," I say, which for me is an actual sacrifice, but there's no way I'm eating food that might go to tiny Saoirse. The people around us shift, and I look over, glad to see that the tram is pulling in.

"Bitty's an incredible cook," I add, turning so we can get in line at the platform.

[sidestepdestiny]

"Right," I say to Snow's compliment to Eric, but otherwise ignore him. It feels like my chest is physically aching, like someone's squeezing and won't let go. I learned from watching Father how to keep my expression neutral, like nothing's going on behind my eyes. It's useful in more situations than I can name, and now is one of them.

I stand up and Saoirse comes back over. I scoop her up and balance her on my hip, my good one, and manage a smile for her. I give her my mobile to play with. She likes to take a hundred pictures of everything; I always just erase them later.

I glance at Eric and nod at his offer. "Thank you, that's very kind. I'm sure Saoirse would love one."

[puckandpie]

It's almost like meeting two different people: one of them the Baz I met the other night, the one who's sweet and lonely and kind enough to take a little girl out of a children's home for a day of fun, the other snide and pompous and maybe a little bit cruel.

I wonder how much of each one makes up the real Baz and if anyone else ever gets to see him.

There's every possibility that Baz's reply is another snide remark, but I choose to take it at face value again and smile wide as I open up my little mini cooler to pull out the tupperware of quiches. "Do either of you have any food allergies? I made a few with bacon, but I have a few in here with only veggies. I'm afraid neither are gluten free or vegan though."

[worst_greatest_one]

I smile helplessly when Saoirse runs over. With her dark hair and pale skin, she looks as if she could be Baz's sister, and I can't help but be charmed by the sight of her perched on his hip. It's been hurting him, I remember, but at least she's on his good side.

"Hi," I say softly before she takes up his mobile, then look down at the food Bitty's produced. I can't smell it through the plastic, but I make a soft sound of wanting for the sight of it. He really is an amazing cook.

"I don't," I say, somewhat needlessly.

[sidestepdestiny]

The food smells delicious, but I'm well used to passing up food and waiting to eat. I have no idea if Saoirse has any food allergies, I wouldn't have even thought to ask if Eric hadn't brought it up.

I have a quiet and quick conversation with her using my mobile, and then look back to Eric.

"She can have either. Maybe the v-e-g-e-t-a-b-l-e one so it's more healthy," I say aside. I don't even know if Saoirse realizes what bacon is, but she's probably like any other child and won't want to know vegetables exist in her food.

[puckandpie]

Saoirse hasn't said a word this entire time, a fact I realize only when she and Baz start communicating via Baz's phone. I'm not sure what that means exactly as she otherwise seems perfectly happy and normal and Baz is really really good with her, acting very much like the Baz I met the other night and not the one he's been all day so far.

When he turns back to me with her answer, I nod and pop open the top tupperware, handing two bacon-free quiches to Baz -- one for him and one for Saoirse -- and then two quiches with Bacon to Simon before pulling out one more for myself. Luckily, they're all still mostly warm and I dig out napkins for everyone before nestling the tupperware back into the container and zipping it back up.

"There's plenty more if anyone wants seconds, too! Do y'all have any idea how long the tram ride is?"

[worst_greatest_one]

I've got one quiche and half the second one in my mouth before I realise Bitty means to portion them out. I swallow as quickly as I can and nibble at what remains of the second, colouring faintly. He gave me extra and everything, and I started in like a beast.

"Half an hour, I think," I say in answer, not even daring to look at Baz or Saoirse, no doubt eating their quiches with some measure of civility. "I've never taken a tram before," I add, finally daring a quick glance at Saoirse. "I hope it's not frightening for littluns."

[sidestepdestiny]

"Thank you," I say quietly, handing Saoirse hers. She takes it with a curious, but delighted look, and starts nibbling it as we board the tram.

"I guess if it's scary I can spell her calm."

I don't know if they mean to ride along with me, but I don't wait for them and I take my seat, settling Saoirse next to me. When we sit I discretely bring out my wand and cast a preservation spell, tucking the quiche meant for me into my jacket pocket to eat later when I'm alone.

[puckandpie]

Half an hour doesn't seem so long at all, but I find myself wondering what words Baz might have to say to cast a calming spell. Hopefully, I won't find out right away; Saoirse seems like she's having a nice time so far and I'd like that to continue.

Baz hurries ahead of us to board the tram and I give Simon a quick glance before boarding myself. For a second, I consider taking Simon's hand again, just because I'd like to, but then I think about Baz and his glare and it just... it seems uncomfortable. Or maybe like I'm trying too hard.

The tram is arranged with seats facing each other in groups of four and, not wanting to be rude, I take the seat nearest one of the windows, directly across from Saoirse and smile up at Simon. "I hope we at least get a nice view on the way up," I tell him, resting the cooler in my lap. "I wonder if we'll be able to see the whole city from here."

[worst_greatest_one]

Surely distracting her would be a better plan than trying to magic her fear away, but it doesn't come up, thankfully, as Saoirse seems perfectly content when the tram jerks into motion. She must really trust Baz.

I settle in next to Bitty, tugging the cooler from his lap to nest between my feet. "I didn't think of that," I tell him with a grin. I've never even seen a map of Darrow, it'll be nice to get a better idea of it from above. I push the armrest up and slide an arm around his waist, leaning across him to watch the city begin to slide by.

[sidestepdestiny]

Snow puts his arm around Eric, and I feel like I'm on some kind of double date from hell. Across from me, the boy I'm in love with tucked against someone else, and me with a mute child. Fiona would probably laugh her arse off if she saw me now. I'd leave, but the tram is full and it's too late to switch seats. All I can do is hope they ignore me.

As the tram moves, Saoirse turns her body to face the window behind her and watch the scenery go by. I look as well and stare out the window, pretending to be as fascinated as she is.

[puckandpie]

Simon takes the cooler from my lap without a word and slides an arm around my waist. It's so casual and so easy that I can't help but smile up at him as my stomach does a summersault. Resting back against him a little, I settle my hand on his leg, ignoring the red flush of my cheeks as I stare out the window, buildings soon giving way to miles and miles of trees.

After awhile, I glance over at Saoirse who seems to be fascinated by the scenery, and then to Baz beside her. He doesn't look nearly so happy, his lips drawn into a thin line and brow furrowed. Not for the first time, I find myself missing the boy I met just the other night. He hadn't been any more lonely or sad than this one, but he'd been more... open, I guess. And sweet. I wonder if Simon's ever seen that side of Baz.

Around us, people are chatting in excited tones, some louder than others. It's quite between the four of us though, uncomfortably so and, after awhile, I turn to look at Simon again. "You can have more quiche if you want," I tell him quietly. "I definitely don't want any to go to waste if I can help it."