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[sidestepdestiny]

I'm nervous.

I feel like I shouldn't be this nervous, because I'm confident Simon will say yes. I think. I know he loves me. We own a business together. We live together. We're adopting children together. If anything I should have already done this. The only thing I keep getting snagged on how young we are, but it's not enough of a reason to keep putting this off. If we're too young for marriage we're probably too young for all the rest, so fuck it.

The other thing is that I considered asking him in the winter on our anniversary, but now that the adoptions have officially gone through I've gotten too impatient. The kids don't need a married pair of parents, but I'd like them to have our shared last name. And I think our commitment to each other will only solidify to the kids how committed we are to them.

I just want to make this good, and I think that's where most of my nerves are coming from. Simon was raised with the bare minimum, hardly anything of his own, no family, and so I don't think he ever even had a fucking birthday party growing up. I want this to be special, something just for him.

Which is why I've set up a picnic on a secluded part of the beach of all of Simon's favorite food. It's approaching twilight as I drive us there, so the day has gotten cooler and it'll be dark enough for candles.

"I've made us dinner instead of going out," I tell Simon when I park, because I can tell he's confused why we're at the beach and not Tintern or Volga. I get out first, opening his door for him, and take his hand to bring him where I've set us up our own little area. I put a spell on it earlier to give anyone who might pass by a bad feeling and avoid the area, not unlike Watford's security, and a spell to keep the damn tent thing up, because with my luck it'll collapse on us in the middle of it all.

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[worst_greatest_one]

I'm a little cross as we drive. It's just that I usually drive, and he usually lets me, but apparently I'm not meant to know where we're going. That bit's weird, too, but as long as there's dinner on the other side of it I don't really care.

I frown when we park at the beach, but Baz opens my door for me and takes my hand like the romantic sod he is, and I'm grinning by the time we're walking through the sand.

"You've been so mysterious tonight," I say, lacing our fingers together, but it's not over yet. Ahead of us is a tent covered in crochet like Penny's mum used to do, and beneath it are plates and glasses and actual cutlery.

I slow. "Have we decided I have a new birthday?" I ask, for I can't think what the occasion must be.

[sidestepdestiny]

I grin, and it's mostly not nervous. It's like eighty five percent a normal grin. I'm pleased I've already impressed him enough that he's equating it to something as nice as a birthday.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you, get away from the house for awhile and have some time to ourselves," I tell him, giving his cheek a kiss before I tug on his hand to bring him underneath the lean-to. "C'mon. I had Greta make your favorite scones even though it's a dinner."

[worst_greatest_one]

"Our time in the office wasn't nice?" I ask with a cheeky smile. It really is rare that we get any time for just us, and I know that's only going to become more true when we have Gen and Ben as our own. He's right, it's nice to get out.

"You didn't have to do all this," I say as I duck into the tent, but I can't seem to stop smiling. I'd have been happy spending time with him anywhere, especially if there were to be scones, but he's really made this special. Just for me.

"Thanks, Baz."

[sidestepdestiny]

I laugh, and his joke calms me down a good deal. It's going to be fine no matter what happens, because it's the two of us. "More than nice," I quip back with a smirk.

I let go of his hand as we sit, settling on one of the oversized cushions and toeing my shoes off. I'm glad I said we were going somewhere casual, because while this might be an occasion to dress up, I wanted us to be able to relax.

"You're welcome, darling. Want me to make you a plate?"

[worst_greatest_one]

"'Course," I answer with a chuckle that he's even asked. When don't I want to eat? Still, he's gone to so much trouble to make things fancy, I don't grab a scone and stuff it into my mouth.

"What is there?" I can't help asking, thinking of all of Greta's dishes. "Has she done the stuffed cornish hens?"

[sidestepdestiny]

"She has," I say, taking the tops off the dishes of food. I've spelled it to stay warm, but I didn't want to leave it all exposed while I was picking up Simon. "Stuffed cornish hens, steak and kidney pie, bangers and mash, Yorkshire pudding." It's like a proper Christmas dinner in August, plus tea and scones.

I put a little of everything on Simon's plate, as much as I can fit, and set it down in front of him before making myself up one.

"I like to cook, but bless Greta. She's a godsend," I say, licking mashed potato from my fork. This is a lot easier now that we can just eat.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Whoa," I say with an approving laugh when he sets the towering plate before me. I've already had a bite of each of the three entrees before I realize they're my favorites.

I cut a glance at Baz over my fork, but he doesn't say anything about it. "Been ages since we came to the beach," I note, tearing off a piece of the pudding to dip into the mash. "Should we bring Gen and Ben sometime?"

[sidestepdestiny]

"That's probably my fault," I say sheepishly. "So much sun." A little sun isn't bad, but it's always worse at the beach because there's never any shade unless I lug around a giant umbrella or I wear layers and a big hat. And then I feel stupid. But there's no reason I can't come on an overcast day.

"But you're right, we should." We've had field trips before, but I know what Simon means. As a family.

Fuck, my nerves are coming back.

It's getting darker, so I light the candles around us with my wand.

"Get them some ice cream first, then they can run off all that sugar. And maybe bury you in the sand," I say with a teasing smile.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Like in cinema!" I say, blinking in the sudden light of the candles. They've made everything even more romantic, but I can't stop thinking about building castles out of sand, buying floaties and little sunhats.

"That'd be brilliant." I always wanted something like that, but the beaches in England are either non-existent or freezing, or down in Bristol and too fancy for the likes of me. That used to make me sad, but now it doesn't have to.

"Could be a tradition. Like the Wellbeloves and their Christmases."

[sidestepdestiny]

I smile at Simon's exclamation, glad I've made the right choice with the candles. I didn't want to be too over the top, but I was inspired by a photo I saw online and I've just run with it.

However.

What does it say about me that I still inwardly bristle at the mention of Wellbelove? I know I'm an idiot about stuff like that, but I guess at least I can hide it.

"Right. We can have Christmas traditions too," I point out. "Stockings with our names on them, a big tree with faerie lights, leaving out cookies and milk before bed..."

[worst_greatest_one]

Snakes, I hadn't thought - I mean we were sure to make the holidays special for all the littluns in December, but I hadn't realized the next one would be spent with my family. My actual family.

Not Agatha's, or some carehome's, or whatever the cooks left behind at Watford felt like doing up, but my family. My eyes begin to burn and my throat goes tight and hot. I push a forkful of mash into my mouth and chew it, hoping in the dimness my tears aren't noticeable.

A person's only meant to cry when they're unhappy, and I don't want Baz to get the wrong idea. I push bite past my lips, chewing hard to suppress a hiccup.

[sidestepdestiny]

"Darling," I say softly, reaching over to touch Simon's jaw. I can tell he's trying very hard not to cry, and trying to hide it by eating, but you don't live with someone as long as we've lived together and not know what it means when their face starts to get red and their eyes get all squinty.

I let him finish his bite and then move closer, putting my arm around him and bringing him up against my side.

"I know you like salt on your food, but I don't think this is the best way to get it," I say with a gentle smile, kissing his temple.

[worst_greatest_one]

Fuck, it's a lot harder not to cry when he's being so sweet. Still, I lean into him, snuffling a little without the food to distract me. I push the heels of my hands into my eyes and get the worst of the tears.

"I just didn't think about it, somehow," I say. "We've been working so hard, and there's so much to be done, I hadn't thought about all the things we could do as a family."

I wipe my eyes again. "But are we getting ahead of ourselves? The adoptions haven't even gone through yet."

[sidestepdestiny]

We haven't finished dinner. There's still dessert, but how am I supposed to wait after this? I can't very well pretend I don't know about the adoptions right to his face, only to take it back thirty minutes later.

I'm not prepared. Even though I've been preparing for this for a month now. So I take a deep breath and I shift on my pillow, taking something out from underneath it.

"Actually, there's something I need to tell you. It's why I brought us out here..." I move my arm from around Simon to open the folder, showing him the certificates.

"They're ours."

[worst_greatest_one]

For a moment it's like when he first found Gen's adoption application. I stare at it, knowing what it is but not quite able to process what I'm seeing. I read it three times, Genevieve Porter - Accepted, Ben Hardy - Accepted.

Applicants Simon Snow and Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch - Accepted.

"Oh fuck," I exhale, "Snakes, we're fathers." I look up from the papers and at Baz, feeling mad for I'm grinning and weeping all at once. "Oh Merlin, Ben is our son," I laugh as I throw my arms around his neck. "What the fuck have we done?"

[sidestepdestiny]

I let out a laugh and wind my arms around Simon's waist, pressing absent kisses along his neck and cheek. I'd almost waited to open the envelope with him, but I wanted to see his reaction without my own emotions getting in the way.

"What we've always done, I guess, which is whatever we want," I say, smiling against his skin before I sit back a little so I can see him again. When I say that I don't mean in a careless or a selfish way, but that we take risks. Most people would probably say we're too young for all of this, but we know the life we want, so why not live it?

[worst_greatest_one]

I laugh against his throat, letting him pull back again. We have always done what we wanted. We were fated to kill one another, and now we're raising children together. Fuck fate.

"He might calm down with proper parents," I say, for I certainly would have. There's so much to be done now that it's finally official. "We can finally do up their rooms!" I realize. "Gen's been dropping some strong hints that she'd like a princess theme."

[sidestepdestiny]

I smooth my hand through Simon's curls, touch my cool palm to his over-warm cheek. "I think he will, and we can, but...I have something else to tell you," I start to say, because I know if I don't do this now the conversation's going to continue into how we're going to style Gen's hair and where we're going to eat family dinners, and I want to have that conversation, but I'm not going to be able to concentrate on it until I do this.

Snakes, maybe I shouldn't have done both at once. But it's too late now. I take a breath.

I had a whole...thing in my head of what I wanted to say, but now that I've told Simon I'm about to tell him something- ask him something- my heart starts beating like crazy in my chest, like maybe I had too much blood before we came out here, and every word disappears from my mind.

I take another breath and slowly exhale.

"Simon..." Fuck, my throat is already getting tight. "You know you're the only one for me. That I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. That I'd let my entire family disown me to be with you. That I think maybe this place dragged us here so we could be together without all their meddling." I grin a little, the words coming easier. All I'm saying is the truth. "And you know I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else. Which is why I want to do it right."

"I know we don't need this to be a family, but I want to. I want to be with you forever, and I want you to have my last name, and I want the kids to have our names, so...Simon, I'm asking you..."

I point my wand at the night sky. The spell's already set, it's been up there, ready for me to say those words. When I say them, the it appears as though the very stars in the sky move to spell out my question. A moment after, I ask the words aloud.

"Will you marry me?"

[worst_greatest_one]

I feel strange as Baz keeps talking. It's like going off, but it's not like an inferno climbing its way out of me, it's something comfortable and warm. I feel full with it, and I wonder if this is what it's like for Baz when I fill him with my magic.

He's so handsome in the candlelight, and he's saying such lovely things. So many things that I begin to wonder if something isn't happening. I reach for his hand, wanting to tell him I feel the same, for of course I do, when he lifts his wand and lights up the sky.

Oh.

Oh.

I don't have to match that speech at all for him to know I mean it. All I have to say is yes.

I look back at Baz and reach for him, pulling his face between my hands.

"Yes. Fuck yes!"

[sidestepdestiny]

My eyes widen when Simon grabs my face and I smile at his exclamation. My nerves dissolve into joyful relief, I let out a choked laugh at what exactly he said.

"Yes?" I ask, and push in without waiting for confirmation I don't even need, pressing my mouth to his in a kiss, more excitement than finesse, more teeth than lips until I readjust. Simon's answer still echoes in my mind. Why he's chosen to be with someone like me I'm not sure I'll ever quite understand, but he has and I'm not going to let him go if I can help it.

[worst_greatest_one]

Baz's mouth meets my own hard, as close as he ever comes to getting near me with his fangs, and I laugh into the kiss. I wish he could be this free all the time, but I guess the point of all of this is that we'll never be free again, not in the way we used to be. We have a whole new life ahead of us - as husbands, as fathers - and I can't wait to discover it all at his side.

"Don't tell anyone I said fuck," I say when I pull back, thumbing his bottom lip with the pad of my finger.

[sidestepdestiny]

My cheeks are flushed and my face lights up at what Simon says. There's no way I'm going to ever let him live that down. "Oh, as soon as it's appropriate to say fuck around the kids they're hearing about this," I tell him, giving his thumb a kiss.

"...Speaking of fuck, I forgot the ring," I blurt out, trying not to be too mad at myself for forgetting such a vital piece of the entire proposal. "Crap." I feel around underneath my pillow and grab the box, fumbling to open it.

"You said yes already. Right. So..." I take the ring out, a gold band with a star etched in the center, and take Simon's hand, slipping it onto his finger.

[worst_greatest_one]

I get a ring! I'd forgotten that was part of it, but I suppose I've only seen men and women get engaged in pictures, never two men. Still, I'm keen to have it, and I stare at it as Baz pushes it onto my finger.

"A star," I say, turning it to glint in the light. "It reminds me of that spell, the one where we went into the night sky." I press my thumb to the etching, feel it real and solid beneath my fingers. It all seems like a dream, I can hardly believe it.

"Oh!" I say suddenly. "But you must have one, too!"

[sidestepdestiny]

"That's what I thought of too, that's why I chose it," I tell him, feeling pleased not only with myself, but that he understood right away the meaning of it. There's more, and maybe I shouldn't mention it in case it offends him, but I thought it was clever planning. "I charmed the ring, by the way. So you can't lose it or accidentally melt it."

I wave a hand. "We'll get one for me later. I'm not sure, but I might have to get you another for the actual wedding. I don't exactly know how it works..."

I'll ask Magnus.

[worst_greatest_one]

"Me either," I admit, though it doesn't seem right that I'm the only one with a ring when the pair of us are engaged. And snakes knows I'll not be able to afford one nice enough for an amazing man like Baz.

My hand grows hot, and I look down where it rests against the sand, frowning as smoke rises. For once, I'm not frightened of what's happening, and so I let it continue, thinking of Baz and the lives ahead of us, the both of us intertwined forever.

The burning ceases, and I lift my hand, surprised - but not really - to see a ring where my palm has been. "Cool off," I tell it, then lift it with a grin.

"I guess we're sorted."

[sidestepdestiny]

I can smell what's happening, the smoke, and for a second I think Simon must be upset, like he's about to go off. But it's not the same smell, not exactly. It's still smoke and his magic, but it's different, and his face is perfectly calm, so I watch curiously.

When he raises his hand, there's a ring resting on his palm. It's nearly transparent, like glass, and I realize with a start he's made it. With the sand.

"Crowley, Simon, you never stop amazing me," I say with a laugh, and hold out my hand for him to put it on me. I know it will fit, because it's Simon whose made it, and no one knows me better.

[worst_greatest_one]

It can't be that impressive when I've no idea how I did it, but I wanted it, and now it is, and so I just let myself be happy. Baz sticks out his hand, and I slide the ring onto his finger, pressing my thumb to it after to feel it warmed by my skin. It will soon cool against his, but that's alright - I don't mind holding his hand whenever possible.

"When d'you want to?" I ask. "Something small at the Gardens with the littluns?"

[sidestepdestiny]

"Tomorrow?" I say with a laugh. To be honest, I haven't thought that far ahead. I haven't even thought of the sort of wedding I'd like, even here in Darrow sometimes the future feels nebulous, what could happen to us. I just know I want it to be with Simon.

"That sounds nice, maybe we should wait for there to be more children at the Gardens. It could be a winter wedding," I suggest. It would make sense, Simon likes it when the weather's cold and to me there isn't much difference. Plus, it's when we got together.